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That’s the difference between you and me, Habakkuk!

November 21, 2007

My study of Habakkuk

I don’t know what I really expected when I accepted Jesus as my Savior. I hear/have heard that many become disillusioned after being saved because they think all their problems are going to be solved…life will be a dream. But it isn’t.

Looking back on those days, there is just a lot of romance associated with them. First of all, I had never really experienced or heard of “unconditional” love until then. I didn’t know anything about “conditions” or “un-conditions” — I just didn’t know to verbalize such that way.

I didn’t know that I had never really felt love. I did, however, have an incredibly warped view of what love was and was not.

I wish I had been content to just sit and listen…and learn. Now I did do that. I became a student of the Bible…I soaked up every ounce of milk I could get. I read and listened and tagged along to revivals and bible studies and workshops…just hoping I could get a bit more taste of God.

I was hungry…but sometimes, I noticed that some in my circle seemed to think I was “gorging” on the Bread of Life…and I felt guilty.

Anyway, processing it through my faulty grid, I learned to pull back and maintain a decorum that didn’t seem so “offensive” to others. When I did that, my discipleship or growth in my spiritual walk was stunted. I put my faith (as bad as I hate to admit it) in a person rather than God. It was not that I did it rebelliously. I just was naïve to the ploy of the enemy to draw me away from the Word of God.

I wonder if my own disillusionment as well as that of others who are “babes in Christ” comes about the same way. I was just glad to be around “good Christian folks.” It never occurred to me that “the hunger that I was experiencing was exactly what God wanted me to know.” It never occurred to me that maybe these “well-meaning saints” were on a diet from the spread that God had for them.

So my learning to live by faith was thwarted. And here I am today, in remedial “faith.”

I’m a control freak and I like to know what’s happening next. I used to think I was more adventurous than that. But at 44, I do become fretful…wondering if I’ll have food, gas, house payment, lights. I really, really, really want to learn to live by faith. I want to believe and trust God with everything…I want to follow Him.

But I’m still suffering from self-doubt and plagued by years and years of bad or wrong choices.

I don’t want to be that complacent Christian who has pushed away from the table just because other people think I’ve had too much. I want to have all of God that I can get.

I have to believe that there’s nothing wrong with that.

So where do I go to find this reassurance, Lord?

Where do I find this “come-alongside” prophet to help me know how to live by faith?

Will I find any answers in Habakkuk? (that’s what I asked the Lord)

Let’s see.

 

Who hasn’t at least wanted to complain to God about the sad state of affairs in the world today. Murder, pillage, rape, molestation, tyranny, genocide, terrorism, this list goes on and on.

 

Habakkuh asks outright, “How long God do I have to cry out for help before you listen.”

 

I’ve done that. “Hey, ARE YOU LISTENING GOD???? It’s me, Carole. I’m desperate again!!! Help!!! I’m asking for HELP HERE!”

 

The difference between Habakkuh and myself is that…He then waited and listened for an answer. I on the other hand, (when I don’t hear something or see a burning bush right off the bat) start trying to figure it out on my own again. (only to become more frustrated)

 

I’m not so sure I would have wanted to hear what God said to Habakkuh. He said, “H…I’m about to kick some butt and take names…and I’m going to use a godless, mean nation to do it.” God was going to have Babylonia attack Israel…and win.

Uhhhmmmm? God???? Let me get this straight. You’re using this evil, evil nation for your judgement work? Are you serious, God????

Habakkuk really argued with God. Questioned God!

What did God say??? (check out part II … in a few days … comment if you will)

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