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In Search of the True One

November 14, 2007

She sat listlessly after she had prayed. It was as if she expected God to zap her a soul-mate, right then — right there.

She waited a few more moments, wondering if she had prayed the right words…asked the right questions.

“God, I am so lonely.” she had said. “You, above all else, know how lonely I really am. God, why can’t I have a husband? What is it about me that is so unlovable to these earthly creatures of yours? Is there not one in this whole wide world that could be MY husband?”

She felt guilty for being so open and candid, even demanding, with her Lord.

Wiping a tear from her cheek, she got up from her kneeling position and began to busy herself with the unfolded clothes on her bed.  She looked about her room and wondered, honestly, if she would actually be able to open up and share her life with someone else.

Having been married before, she remembered that there is a lot of sharing to take place. But still, it would be worth it, she thought. The dirty socks, the smelly shoes, the snoring…it would be worth it if he was the true one.

THE TRUE ONE…God’s intended…His perfect will.

“Does it exist?” she had asked Him. “God, I long to know every blessing you have for me. I long to live the life you intended. I want above all else…to love you more than anything or any person on this earth or in heaven. God, this is my heart-felt desire — I want only what you want.” 

“Jesus will be your husband.”

She heard those words ringing in her ears. How many times people had said that, assuming they were words of comfort. Those words were there now.

“Yes, Lord, I do I know Jesus will be my husband. I’ve even read it in Your Word. I don’t mean to be ungrateful for that…afterall, it should very well be the best arrangement in the world to be married to the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings…”

“God, I guess I just don’t understand. I don’t know what it is in me that feels this need…especially when I don’t want to be needy. But God, I do feel a need…and Your Word also says that you will supply all my needs…according to Your riches in glory.”

“Yes, I know that you know my needs before I even ask.” she was reminded. “Even the very hairs of my head are numbered…you provide for the birds of the air and beasts of the field…wont you all the more provide for me and my needs.”

Milling through her dresser drawer, she hoped to be distracted enough to ignore the Spirit of God that was obviously speaking to her heart.

“Well God, if it’s not a husband that I need, what is it? Sometimes, I am afraid these feelings are just going to consume me…and make me a bitter, cynical old woman. Help me, Lord, please. I’m afraid…do you understand that! I am afraid that I’ll be alone forever!”

 With anguishing tears she broke down.

“You won’t.” He said. 

And there was stark silence…in her heart and in her mind.

“I will never leave nor forsake you. Come unto Me and I will give you rest. Do not be afraid, for perfect love casts out fear. Wait and I will renew your strength. I do know the plans I have for you…be of good cheer.”

 Amazing.” she thought to herself. Suddenly, the anguish did not seem so heavy. Suddenly, her heart did not feel so battered. Suddenly, her mind was able to think beyond the loneliness and the sadness.

“Amazing…the grace that He provides…to endure and cope. Amazing…the God of the universe cares enough about me to come down and wipe my tears. Amazing…I’m still as alone as a was a bit ago…but He loves me more than anyone on this earth ever could.

“Simply amazing!” were her thoughts as she closed her dresser drawer.

She walked into the bathroom and gazed at the woman in the mirror. Yes, at first glance, a simple person who needs to take more pains with her appearance…lose some weight…do more with her hair…look a little prettier.

Then, looking closer, seeing a person who truly is “fearfully and wonderfully made.” A person of good character, good heart and full of love and joy for life. She’s God’s person…an honorable and respectable creation of His. Worthy of love. Worthy of respect.

“God,” she said. “Only You know my heart…sometimes I don’t even know it. But I do know this…I trust You with today and tomorrow. Whether I spend my life alone, or with another person, I trust You to know what’s best. I trust You to see past my desperation and my heartache. I trust You to know what is the best plan for me…so that my life will glorify You and You alone.”

“Thank you, God, for  seeing that I will always have the comfort of Your Holy Spirit and Your Love. And God,  thank you for being THE TRUE ONE.  If ever I do have a husband, I pray the he will love You more than me, so that together we can share the blessings of True Love.”

 

 

 

 

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